I felt such a sense of gratitude and triumph two weeks ago. For literally months, my altars for my deities and my ancestors have stood neglected and empty. I had not the energy, and perceived that I had not the time to worship “properly.” The candles were cold, offering dishes stood empty, and incense ashes littered their surfaces.

On July 1st, I managed to break free of that vicious cycle, even if just for a moment. Today, I was able to worship, even for a bit longer than I was planning. I cleaned the altars and the offering dishes on them, replaced and lit the candles and incense again, and just said thank you. I let my ancestors and my deities know that I was still here, and still thinking about them. And the best news to come out of this whole thing is…

I felt them. I felt them, as if they had been waiting for me to come back, even though I know that can’t possibly be true.

I think this post is going to be a little bit shorter than my other ones so far. I just wanted to share this, because I felt so elated, and I feel like I have learned something from this.

Part of the reason I wasn’t worshipping, and was barely practicing, is because I felt terrible. Terrible for the days, the months, that I had missed my morning devotions and prayers. I let the wolves in my head and the demons in my heart devour my self-worth and self-esteem, and attack my devotion to my gods and my ancestors. And, to be honest, I haven’t really gotten over that momentary weakness. Even though I fight like hell, I’ll probably have another moment like that at some point down the road.

What I learned was this: even if you don’t practice every day, even if it’s been months since the last time you even uttered a prayer, you’re still a Pagan, and still a Witch. It doesn’t make you a bad person, or a bad Witch.

And when you’re ready, when the veil finally starts to lift, your ancestors and whatever God or Gods you worship will be there for you.